And I wish there was something, please tell me there's something better...

I am pregnant. Almost 9 months pregnant, to be exact.

Scary? Yes.
Exciting? Yes.
Planned? No.

Being pregnant, honestly, is probably the worst thing I've ever gone through. 6 straight months of never ending nausea, so much vomit I felt like my head was spinning constantly, slowly but surely drifting away from my husband as well as feeling absolutely crazy. Not to mention dropping out of school and quitting my job because I was so sick that I couldn't work or study. I couldn't do anything for several months.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that pregnancy is beautiful. I am extremely grateful on a regular (daily) basis that my body is functioning correctly and nourishing my son. I love him very much, more than anything (and anyone, yes- anyone) already. I can't wait to meet him.

At the same time though, I can't help but feel sad that I'm bringing a child into the world that I never wanted. How does one get over that? He's altered my life so completely already, and he isn't even here. He's changed my relationships. He's morphed my body into something... else. Something foreign. Something I was avoiding because I did not want it to change. I'm 21... and my athlete's body is now a mother's body.

What?

I am a mother.

No matter the outcome of this pregnancy now, I am a mother. I have a child.





And I've changed.












What?